So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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