The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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