omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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