it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize