I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
