I'm pants shitting drunk right now
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize