who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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