The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
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