so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
