we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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