may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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