mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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