You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
