What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
