Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
