I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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