i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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