i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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