she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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