She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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