I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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