when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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