if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
