I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
