he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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