I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
