I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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