The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
