really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
