saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
