I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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