My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
