I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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