MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
