We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Found the puke drawer
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize