Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize