grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
