I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
