Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
