First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
