I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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