A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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