I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so let's talk penis.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
