I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
