I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
