i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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