i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
