Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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