can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
