Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
