So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
