can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
