I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
