i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
