Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
