If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
