You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
