got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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