We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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