it's like iHOP with fire
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
