I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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