Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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