lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
