nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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