The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Blow job season was short but glorious.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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