At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
