I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
