Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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