yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
