I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
