I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
