Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
