If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
