stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
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